The past few days I'd been thinking of the song Bret gave me for Mother's Day in 2002. I hadn't listened to it for a few years and wasn't sure I would be ready to hear it. But this morning I realized I longed to hear his voice and the lyrics he wrote which came from his heart. His truth came from incredible insight. The idea for the song was fashioned after his idol, Tupac Shakur, and the song he wrote for his mom. When Bret was in his early teens, he discovered rap, and boy did it have an influence on him. Unfortunately, the rap message back then was mostly negative and it took a toll on Bret. He was like a sponge that absorbed it all.
This morning I want to focus on the gift he left me. His voice. His words. His heart. I am grateful for the experience of being his mother. I am grateful for both Eric and Bret. I have learned so many life lessons that wouldn't have been possible without having experienced the joy and challenges of motherhood. The light and the dark, the yin and the yang. This is life. I am grateful for all of it.
Bret covers a lot of ground in the song he wrote. His birth in Mission Viejo, moving to Virginia, ("I get taken over by these trees"), troubled teen years, my disapproval of a friend who was a bad influence, the death of my sister Kimmie, ("ever since that day you got so spiritual"), dad being busy working, Grandfather's spagetti sauce (!), missing his grandparents, Rydell Design... He tells me he loves me but he also voices some grievances.
"Everyday I'm still prayin' for a better way to say it... I love you..."
Take a listen if you'd like.